


To be, or not to be

by Yellow_Canna



Series: To Thine Own Self Be True [1]
Category: Servamp
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rebirth, Reincarnation, Shounen-ai, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 14:34:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7512008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yellow_Canna/pseuds/Yellow_Canna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vampires are immortal. They live on forever, but not their Eves. To be, or not to be—that is the question...and answer their story of the slowly dwindling time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To be, or not to be

_I never knew the absolute silence could be so frightening._

_I stared at the pair of lips above me, quivering and moving slowly. I knew this person was talking, but I couldn’t hear anything. I could feel something warm trickling down my body…but I couldn’t move my neck to see what it was. All I knew was that my body was completely drenched in the sticky warmth and what felt like a pair of arms holding me impossibly tight._

_“….—ro…” A raw voice choked out of my throat, trying desperately to form words. “K…ro…”_

_Those lips stopped moving. Sharp fangs bit down hard on the lower lip, drawling out blood before they gave out a shaky response. However…I still couldn’t hear. It felt weird…being able to hear myself but not this person._

_“K-ku….ku…o…”_

_Those lips moved stopped moving and suddenly gone slack. My vision began to blur, coming in and out of focus before my gaze drifted up…_

_“So…rry...” The soft whisper left my throat in contrast to my speeding heartbeat._

_I stared in horror at the pair of wide, unblinking blackened eyes that didn’t have a tint of white in them. They just stared at me…completely dead…_

“ **Aah!** ” I screamed as I shot out of the bed. Sweat poured down my face as hot puffs of breath worked its way through my lips.

It was that dream again…the same dream that haunted me for so long that I have long forgotten when was the first time I ever had it. Hearing the chirping of birds, I looked over to the thick curtains covering my window.

“Again?” I muttered when I noticed the curtains swaying ever so slightly. Reaching out, I pulled it apart and was hit by a beam of sunlight. I put a hand over my sensitive eyes, shielding them from the intense light and looked to the window to find…yes, it was open again.

I groaned. It was the third time that the window I remembered closing firmly the previous night had opened. Who knows how many misquotes had invaded my apartment this time. I grumbled and checked the lock which again doesn’t appear to have any problems.

“Maybe I should get someone to take a look at it after all.” I yawned before plopping back onto my pillow…only to sneeze when something flew into my nose. I ripped my face away and to my annoyance found black fur all over the left side of my pillow.

“What is going on?!” I coughed, trying to get the hair out of my throat while patting the fur away.

I looked around my room, then under my bed, searching for any signs of another life form. Like the window, this was the third time it had happened. In fact, these two things happened right at the same time. At first, I had thought some sort of animal had snuck its way in, but after a thorough cleaning and mouse traps all around the small apartment, that didn’t seem to be the case.

I sighed, flopping onto my bed as I gazed out lazily to the blue sky with the sun hanging high—

High?

I blinked.

The sun…it was unusually high for morning…and today was the first day of the weekend so no school…meaning…

“Saturday’s bargain sale!” I cried as I snatched the alarm clock on the nightstand. When I saw the flashing numbers over the screen, I let out a strangled squeak. It was already eleven twenty-five, thirty-five minutes until the sale I had waited a week for ends.

Grabbing a t-shirt and a pair of shorts, I ran into the bathroom and slammed the door shut.

_Yukimura Hikaru, 16 years old._

_I love simple things and hate troublesome things._

_That’s why I brought the cat home._

_To regret not doing anything is the most troublesome thing._

_I didn’t know an encounter like that would change my life that very day…_

“Look, look!” A couple of girls squealed as I walked through the convenient store carrying a bag of what little I managed to snatch before the bargain came to an end.  I looked over to the magazine isle and found quite a few of them gathered around. When I looked down to the magazine they’re fighting over, I instantly knew why.

“I swear this is by far the best picture of Lust-san!”

“Kyaa! He’s an underwear model in this one!”

“So cool!”

I groaned at the squealing girls about to reach for a bento box from the shelf when another girl charged right by me, almost knocking me over.

“Hey guys! Look at this!”

“It’s Greed-chan!”

“Wow, he’s on another job hunting magazine cover!”

“His animal form is so cute~!”

Finally deciding on which bento to get, I placed it into the basket before getting a bottle of water from the cooler.

On my way, I noticed two boys from my class, but they were apparently too into their discussion to notice me. “Seriously, I don’t get why we still need police around. They don’t do anything! Look at the vampires! They just shut down another group of yakuza that’s been active in the area.”

“Ahh…I’ve heard. The Melancholy vampires right? It was quite an old group too…I heard the reason they hadn’t caught them yet was because those yakuza have influence within the government.”

“Vampires are so cool! I wonder if human can join them! That way I’ll get to fight _real_ bad guys!”

“Forget it. The only help you’ll be is a donor!”

Their laughter faded away as I placed the bento and water onto the counter.

“Would you like your bento heat up?” The lady asked with a brilliant smile. I just nodded and watched as she took my bento to the microwave and set the timer to two minutes.

After paying for the food, I walked out to the summer breeze. Smiling, I decided to head to the park and have my lunch there. After all, it wasn’t like there was anyone waiting at home for me to eat with.

“Hey, have you heard? They found a rouge vampire the other day…”

“You know those vampire haters? Seems like they’re having another strike…”

“Did you hear that the vampires…”

Vampire. Vampire. Vampire.

That was all I grew up hearing. Every important news and classes always revolves around vampires.

Being born in this era where vampires co-exist with human, it doesn’t feel like a big deal. However, I could remember the times when my grandmother would tell me stories of when human thought vampires were only a myth.

That was ninety-five years ago.

When vampires first emerged from the darkness, the human civilizations were sent to in frenzy. Confused and threatened by the intellectual specie no one knows anything about, they were quick to wage war against them. Humanity launched all sorts of weapons and assaulted the blood drinking creatures, but nothing had worked. The vampires were immortal, they cannot by killed.

Despair fell onto human race when they realized how they were fighting a losing battle. But to everyone’s surprise, the leaders of the vampires—the Servamp—just organized a meeting with all the world leaders with absolutely no intention of taking over or enslaving the human race.  

One way or another, a treaty was somehow formed. And now, what was once feared was admired by the younger generations. While fear and hatred still exist, it was much calmer than what it first started out as…at least, that’s what grandma always say. 

The Servamps especially were treated like royalties…which I suppose it makes sense. They are the original vampires after all. No one knows how long they have existed for, it was one of the greatest mystery people tries to uncover.

“Look out!” A voice shouted before I felt something slamming into my side and knocking me to the ground.

“Wah! I’m so sorry! Are you alright?” The person asked as I looked up to meet with a pair of crimson eyes. Not a person then.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I smiled, accepting the vampire’s hand as he pulled me up with ease.

“Sorry, I should have watched where I was going.” The vampire blabbed as I took noticed of his green hair shinning under the sunlight. A vampire that can withstand sunlight…there was only one group of vampire that’s able to do that.

The Tsubaki group.

“Ah! Your bento!” At the vampire’s cry, I looked down, realizing for the first time how empty my hands felt. The groceries were lying by my feet with everything still safe inside the plastic bag. The bento on the other hand had its lid popped open with the steaming hot content scattered all over the ground.

“I’m so sorry! I’ll buy you a new one!”

“It’s alright, don’t worry about it.” I tried to reassure him, bending down to pick up what was now trash. The vampire was faster. He gathered everything with one swift move and tossed it into the nearby garbage bin.

“No, it’s my fault I made you lose your meal.” The other insisted. “Ah, my name is Sakuya. Sakuya Watanuki, nice to meet you!”

“Yukimura Hikaru.” I replied before finding the vampire’s arm wrapped around my neck. It was one of those best friend things people do all the time, but having a stranger doing it felt really awkward.

“So Hikaru-kun!” The vampire began, completely oblivious to my uncomfortable squirming. And why is the vampire already addressing me by my first name? “What would you like to eat? My treat!”

“Just a bento is fine—” I began, only to be dragged off. He wasn’t even trying to listen to me at all.

“I know! I’m meeting my friends for lunch right now! How about you join us?!”

**“Huh?”**

And that was how I found myself sitting at the table full of vampires, feeling extremely awkward and self-conscious. Even the waitress noticed that I don’t belong, giving me odd looks as she took their orders.

“What would you like, sir?”

“Uh…” I responded unintelligently.

“He’ll have a pan seared steak.” Sakuya replied for me as I gave him a look. When he met my gaze, he just winked.

“They have the best steak in the house here!”

“Okay…?” I mumbled before yelping as another arm was thrown around me.

“Hey, hey little human!” The vampire with bright pink hair whined. “Tell me if Tsubakyun is being a meanie!”

“Hah?” I stared at him, then to the raven haired vampire with nightshade and kimono. “Look, it’s nice meeting you all, but I really have to—” I paused. Tsuba _kyun_? Could it be that this vampire…

“Aha, looks like you know me.” The raven haired vampire smirked as if he could read my mind.

“You’re Tsubaki? The Servamp of Melancholy?” I asked while still struggling to wrap my head around it. No way…why is a royalty like him in a place like this?

I jumped when a rather disturbing laugh came from the Servamp. The customers in the restaurants glanced at us with a mixture of annoyance and curiousness, but none of the vampires seemed bothered by the attention.

“Here.” The vampire reached under the table before flinging a black object into the air. I fumbled to catch it and gapped when I noticed that it’s a black cat…unconscious and tied up by ropes.

“Wha…what is this?”

“It’s a cat.” Tsubaki replied like it’s the most obvious things.

“A cat!” The pink haired vampire echoed with his hands waving wildly in the air.

“A cat.” Sakuya nodded in agreement. I just stared at them like they’re all insane—no, they _are_ insane. I had no idea what was going on anymore, but I know that I need to leave. These people are bad news.

“Think of it as a little gift from me. Remember you both owe me now~”

Taking that as a dismissal, I turned on my heels, about to flee when a hand grabbed my wrist. I looked down to see Sakuya who gazed at me with a strangely sad smile.

“It was nice meeting you… _Hikaru_.”

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. The moment that hand loosened, I ran. I ran all the way home without stopping, without ever looking back. My bag of groceries was left back at the restaurant, but I couldn’t care less as I stared at the cat in my arm. Its eyes were still closed and unmoving. If it weren’t for its slow breathing, I would have thought it was dead. Grabbing a pair of scissors, I carefully cut through the ropes and freeing its little paws from its confinement.

“What was with those guys?” I mumbled as I thought back to those vampires and shuddered.

Grabbing a pillow, I carefully laid the tiny creature down. I rested my chin onto the edge of the pillow, smiling as I gently caressed its silky fur. When I brushed by its head, I pulse at the feeling of a…bump?

Pulling some fur back, my eyes widened at the red patch on the cat’s skin.

“What the heck!” Those crazy vampires abused this cat! I was fuming with anger, tempted to call police on them before remembering how the Tsubaki group are the police in the vampire world.

With a heavy sigh, I sat down next to the cat and saw the crimson strap around its neck with a bell dangling at the front. It looked completely worn out. The golden lustre of the bell was dull with rust covering most of the surface and the strap looked like it would break apart at the slightest touch.

I took a mental note to replace it later.

“Let see…you need a name.” I said, giving the large ear a gentle poke and chuckled when it flicked. “Thinking it simply, you’re a black cat so… _Kuro_! How’s that?”

Naturally, the cat didn’t respond. It just continued to sleep, oblivious to the new environment it was thrown in.

I headed to the kitchen, famished before remembering that I did not have any food. The empty fridge that I had planned to stuff with the Saturday bargain sale completely backfired on me.

“Well…might as well get some cat food too.”

I gave the cat, Kuro, one last look before I headed out.

The convenience store was only a short five minute walk away. I left carrying two bento boxes—one for my lunch and the other for dinner—as well as a bag of dried cat food.

It should have been a simple trip, but obviously the world had something against me for that the moment I turned around the corner, a car came screeching down the road. I yelped, quickly jumping to the side when the door of the speeding vehicle flung open and an arm shot out towards me. Before I knew what had happened, I was pulled inside and surrounded by my kidnappers.

“Big brother Mahiru, it’s been a long time.” The muscular, strong looking blond spoke with a stoic expression.

“How long do you plan on making an angel wait?” The raven with a stripe of white on his hair grunted.

“Really, it took a long time to find you. Is being a broke commoner your curse or something?” The purple haired snorted before the guy with black fedora was suddenly in my face with a…doll?

“Hi, Mahiru-kun~ How have you been?”

“W-who are you people?!” I yelled, backing far away from them as I desperately tried to open the door that was obviously locked. “I-I don’t have any money!”

“Who the hell wants your money?!” The purple haired boy snapped, only to pause as his eyes narrowed. “You…don’t tell me you haven’t made the contract yet!”

“What are you talking about?” The moment those words left my mouth, their eyes darkened.  

“Well now, can’t say I haven’t expected this.” The hatted blond hummed. “Considering what had happened after all…”

“W…what…?” I blinked in confusion.

“You got to be kidding me.” The purple haired teen groaned, slapping a hand over his face. “You’re telling me that bastard still hasn’t revealed himself after **three** days?!”

“Tch…then I’ll just beat his memory back.” The raven snapped, as I looked up to see a foot raised over my head.

“…Eh?” Just as that foot started coming down, I was saved by the other three pouncing onto raven.

“Calm down, Lic— **GYAH!** ”

“Shut up! Let me go!”

“Calm down. Let’s just— **ABEL!!** ”

I clutched onto the leather seat, hanging onto my dear life as the car shook from left to right from the brutal fight.

“What are you guys doing?!” The driver cried from the front as he desperately tried to steady the car.

By the time the tension calmed, we were in an empty school parking lot not far from where I was forcefully taken—probably because it was too dangerous to keep on driving. I panted, face completely drained of blood as I looked over to the strangers staring down at one another. Three of them got new bruises and cuts all over their bodies. The one that started the one-way brawl seemed completely fine while the purple haired one was down the moment he got kneed in the stomach.

I looked around, desperately searching for a way out when a hand suddenly landed on my shoulder. I turned to see the smiling blond man.

“Looks like we gave you quite a scare. Are you alright?”

“Uh…?” For the second time that day, I couldn’t respond. I just blinked at him before my gaze drifted to the doll sitting on the man’s shoulder. Then all of the sudden, the other teen snapped.

**“DON’T LOOK AT MY ABEL WITH SUCH A LEWD GAZE!!”**

**“NO ONE’S LOOKING AT YOUR STUPID DOLL!”** The purple haired guy retorted before turning to me. “Shirota Mahiru!”

It took a moment to realize that the name was apparently directed at me.

“Look, you got the wrong person! I’m not this Shirota person—I won’t tell anyone if you let me go…!”

“Just what do you take us for?!” The purple haired yelled as the tall blond held him back by hooking his arms under his.

“Well, we did kidnap him.”

“Hmph!” The purple haired teen brushed off his companion. “You might not remember now, but that’s fine…”

I opened my mouth, only to snap it shut at the murderous glare the violent raven shot me.

“We’re going to do it, big brother Mahiru.” The tall blond said quietly.

“We still haven’t found out if it’s going to work, but after what happened last time, we can’t afford to stall it any longer.” The purple haired continued on. “Our due dates are coming again. In two months, you and I will die first.”

“Wha…” I choked down my words when I saw those sharp gaze stabbed into me again.

“Licht will reach his lifespan in three months, Tetsu a few weeks later, then by the start of next year, Mikuni.” The boy said, ignoring the _“call me big brother~”_ in the background. “This time it took seventy years for us to come back, who knows how long the next time is going to be. I can’t put Lily through it anymore.”

“I rather like it when Jeje worries about me.” The weirdo with doll sang. “It’s fun to see that look on his face…ah, but it won’t be fun if I one day I get miscarried or aborted, right Licht-kun?”

“Tch.” The raven looked over to me. “Hey brat.”

“Y-yes?” I managed to choke out, refraining myself from pointing out that he too is a kid. In fact, all these people here looked around my age.

“I don’t care what choice you make, just don’t get in the angel’s way.”

“O…kay…?” I replied, unable to even understand what he’s talking about.

“You…what was your name again?” The doll guy asked as I gulped nervously.

“H-Hikaru.” The moment I said that, I felt like beating up myself. Why didn’t I come up with a fake one? Why did I just stupidly give away my own name to a bunch of delusional teenage kidnappers?

“Well, _Hikaru_ -kun. It seems your Servamp hasn’t faced you yet, but don’t be too hard on him when you remembered. Forty years ago, someone who looked exactly like you was born. Since we don’t regain our memories without the contract, he had no way of knowing. When the contract was formed, he was devastated he was when he realized it wasn’t you. To make it worse, the relationship between vampires and human are still very fragile at the time. That human he made contract with is very religious you see, and believed all vampires to be devils. Long story short, he tried to use his power to eradicate them from the world. Your Servamp was the one who put an end to him. Even if it wasn’t you, your faces and voice are apparently the exact same—you get what I’m saying, don’t you?”

“What are you…?”

“You’re an Eve.” The blond smiled as he reached around me and grabbed hold of the doorknob. “You’ll understand very soon.”

The door opened.

Having been leaning against it, I tumbled out of the car, hitting the cement ground painfully as the car sped away. I stayed in the parking lot for a full five minutes, trying to grasp what had happen before figuring that I needed to go.

During the way home, I was tempted to call the police…or at least, ask someone to do it for me seeing as I didn’t have my cellphone with me.

I wonder why I didn’t.

They were a weird bunch. It wasn’t an exaggeration to say they’re on the same level of weirdness as those vampires. Nothing they said makes any sense. They’re the words of madmen…so I must be going mad too seeing how I couldn’t stop pondering over it. There was just something…something nostalgic…

“I’m home~” I called even though I knew how no one would answer.

I set my shoes aside and strolled into the living room to find the tiny black cat bathing in the small patch of sunlight beaming through the window.

“Kuro!” I gasped, having completely forgotten about the cat I had brought home. The tiny creature perked up at the name looking almost surprised. Well, it probably is. As far as the cat’s concerned, I’m a stranger. “Thank goodness you’re awake—the cat food!”

I groaned when my body registered how hungry I was as well. I hadn’t eaten for an entire day! I kneeled by the cat and slowly reached out a hand. When the creature didn’t reject me, I rubbed by finger on his forehead, right between those tired looking eyes. If cats had eyebrows, I was certain that this little one’s would be in a permanent frown.

“Today has been a crazy day…first I get dragged into some sort of vampire banquet then get kidnapped by these weird people…” I chuckled at the memory. For some reason, they felt so distance and unimportant when I looked at the fluff ball in front of me.

“I’ll get you some food alright, Kuro?”

Those black ears flicked as I pulled away. I sighed as I prepared to head out for the third time that day when—

“Mahiru.”

I stopped in my step and slowly turned. The room had gotten dark all of the sudden. The patch of sunlight shining on my floor was gone along with the little black cat. In its place was a teen, tall and standing a bit hunched with silvery white hair and heavy bags under his eyes.

I gapped as a mixture of thoughts exploded in my head.

_Who is he?_

_How did he get in here?_

_Is he a thief?_

In the end, I just stood there, waiting for the panic that never came.

I know him…

I know this person…but from where?

The other teen just stood there, standing as still as me as crimson eyes locked onto my bronze ones.

Vampire.

This person is a vampire.

“Ku…ro…?” I whispered before I could even process my thought.

Suddenly, a beam of blue light exploded around us. I yelped when I saw the ring of light circling around my wrist, then glanced over to the vampire who had the same ring, except it was circling around his neck.

“Hey…” The vampire spoke, not even the slightest bit phased by what was happening. “How do you know my name?”

“Y-your what?” I gasped when the light suddenly vanished like nothing had happened at all. I looked down to my wrist, then back to the vampire. “What is this? Who are you?! I’m going to call the police if you don’t—!”

It happened in a blur.

One moment, the vampire was standing in front of me…the next, I was wrapped up in his arms that were trembling with…fear?

“Mahiru.”

I felt pain prickling into the side of my neck. Instead of struggling like what a normal person might do, I went slack as the world around me suddenly cleared up.

Mahiru…

That’s right…my name…

It’s not Hikaru.

I’m Mahiru. Shirota Mahiru.

_“I’m sure of it…” Misono gritted his teeth as he slams his against the table. The other Eves didn’t seem the slightest bit affected as they did their own things. “Every time…the cycle of our rebirth is getting longer. And the age we lived to from our last life will be our limit in this one.”_

_“I think we all know that by now, little brother.” Mikuni said as he waved Abel from behind the couch. “Why don’t you calm down and join us? This movie is pretty interesting.”_

_“Stop fooling around!” Misono snapped. “Sooner or later, our rebirth will end! What will happen after that?”_

_“Then you die.” Licht snorted. “As an angel I’ll guide your soul when the time comes.”_

_“So judging by the time of my last life…I guess I’ll die in two years, on my eighteenth birthday.” Tetsu said as he chewed on the short bread cookie I baked._

_“Can any one of you take this seriously?” Misono growled, irritated by the lack of response and support from his fellow Eves._

_“Misono, I get what you’re trying to say.” I began. “But there’s nothing we can do about it. We’ll just have to be more careful from now on.”_

_“Ah, but there’s also the risk of abortion and miscarriage~” Mikuni called from the living room before Misono shut him off with a well-aimed dictionary._

_“I don’t know about you guys, but Lily—” Misono choked, unable to continue as the memory of his last life haunted him. I couldn’t blame him. If anyone was affected by this rebirth, it was our Servamps. Every time we breathed our last breath and closed our eyes for the final time, they were there…watching, unable to do anything as the cycle takes us away again and again._

_It was inevitable…that is the fate between Servamps and their true masters._

_I had been there during the time of Misono’s death. I remembered how dead Lily seemed as he sat beside Misono’s bed even after the body had been incarnated. The vampire didn’t move a muscle, almost like he wanted to follow after his Eve into the afterlife._

_The sight was heartbreaking for any Servamps and Eves to watch. The Servamps because they knew that feeling all too well and the Eves knowing what their Servamps will have to endure until they meet again._

_When it first began, they were reborn immediately. The moment they took their last breath, somewhere else in the world they’ll breathe in their first. And in every life, they looked exactly the same, even retaining their original personality, so it was easy for the Servamps to find them. However, each time they die, they noticed a time gap beginning to form…and just like Misono had said, they will only live until the age they died in their previous life._

_The time of reincarnation is getting longer and their time alive shorter…The Eves are slowly fading away._

_“Where is that stupid rat?” Licht demanded as he kicked at the stool beside him. “I want to go home now!”_

_“Kuro and the others are still going over the treaty with the governments. They don’t know about the Eves’ existences, so thinking simply, it’ll be safer for us to hide here.” I replied as I poured some tea._

_“If worse comes down to it, we always have the blood.” Mikuni suddenly said when I handed him the steaming cup._

_“Blood?” It took a while before I remembered what he meant. “You mean turning into subclass? I thought we abandoned that idea.”_

_“That’s right.” Misono spoke up. “We don’t know what would happen if you turn Eves into subclass. We could die!”_

_“We’re dying anyways.” Mikuni sighed as he sipped at the hot tea. “What a cheap tea.”_

_A vein popped on my head. “Then please buy your own.”_

_“Anyways.” Mikuni waved me off. “Turning into vampires is the only chance we have to escape this cycle.”_

_“That’s true…” Misono mumbled. “But—”_

_The window beside Misono suddenly burst apart as shards of glass flew all over the kitchen._

_“What…” I feel my inside freeze over when I saw crimson fluid seeping out from Misono’s side. “Misono…?”_

_It was my voice that brought all the Eves’ attentions to Misono. And then, chaos erupted._

**_“GET AWAY FROM THE WINDOW!”_ ** _Mikuni shouted, grabbing Misono’s falling body while Tetsu grabbed me by my wrist as he reached for his coffin._

_The sounds of gunfire echoed from all around us, shattering the glass and drilling holes into the walls._

_I tried to scream for Kuro, not noticing how only blood was coughed out as holes decorated my body. They were firing from all angles. There was no escape and there wasn’t time for any to bring out my weapon._

_The governments had somehow found out about us…just like we thought, there was a traitor in the subclass._

_But it was too late…_

_At some point, the sounds of gunfire were replaced by the dreadful cries of men._

_It was all too late._

_I lay in the rubble. My body was completely numb—unable to feel anything but the warmth of my own blood sticking to my skin. And then Kuro was there…he held my body close, but I couldn’t feel his warmth at all._

_“No…no…no, no, no, no…” I let my gaze slowly drift to Lily who had found Misono in the kitchen. He was chanting those words over and over like a broken record. In fact, all of them were._

_Jeje was hovering over Mikuni who wasn’t far from Misono, having attempted to protect him._

_Tetsu was sitting against the wall with Hugh on his lap. The Eve was filled with bullets from trying to protect me and his eyes dead without a speck of light._

_I could hear Lawless in the distance, wailing in grieve over no doubt Licht’s body._

_“No...don’t go…not again...” Kuro’s voice brought me back to him as I tried to look up at him, but the black spots in my vision made it hard. I could only see his lips moving as those words were choked out._

_I need to respond to him. I need to assure him…that everything will be alright…that we will definitely meet again. I tried to speak, but I found myself unable to form proper words._

_“Don’t talk…if it’s too troublesome, don’t...” Kuro begged as something wet and warm dripped over my face._

_“K-ku….ku…o…” I tried calling out to him, but my eyelids felt heavy._

_Kuro sucked in a breath, but when those lips moved again, I couldn’t hear him. In fact, I couldn’t hear anything. I choked, blood and tears leaking down my own face as I tried desperately to stay awake._

_I need to tell him. I need to tell him that we will meet again someday. However, when I open my mouth again, my vision suddenly cleared for a split second. Those expressionless dead eyes that stared at me were something I knew would haunt me forever._

_It wasn’t the bullets that ended my life…_

_Nor was it from the blood lost…_

_It was the look on Kuro’s face. The look of pure devastation so heart wrenching that my weakened body couldn’t handle it any longer._

_“So…rry...”_

“Kuro…” Tears streamed down my eyes as I stared at the being standing before me. When the Servamp pulled away, I reached out and grabbed his face. I let my eyes trailed over every part of him.

He got slimmer…the bags under his eyes were heavier too. He was pale, so sickly pale that the blood on his lips were practically glowing in contrast to his skin. He looked like he hadn’t slept in decades. He looked even worse than when I first met him.

 _“Forty years ago, someone who looked exactly like you was born. Since we don’t regain our memories until the contract is formed, he had no way of knowing…”_ Mikuni’s voice echoed in my mind. Now that I remembered, everything made perfect sense now.

Three days…Kuro had found me three days ago. That’s why my window kept opening and my pillow was littered with cat fur. These three nights Kuro had always been by my side—too afraid to confront me fearing that I might be another doppelganger.

He probably would have continued to avoid me too if not for Tsubaki intervening.

 _“We’re going to do it, big brother Mahiru.”_ Tetsu’s voice echoed as I slowly leaned forward.

“Mahiru?”

_“We still haven’t found out if it’s going to work, but after what happened last time, we can’t afford to stall it any longer.”_

I parted my lips and captured my Servamp’s chapped ones. I closed my eyes, letting myself drown in the sensation as Kuro passionately kissed me back. Moist tongues twirled in a familiar dance like long lost lovers. Our mouths moulded hungrily against one another and our throats greedily swallowing down the other’s moan.

My mind was filled with nothing but Kuro as I slowly drew my tongue back to invite him in. It was an invitation the Servamp of Sloth took immediately as he began mapping out the inside of my mouth just like I had done with him.

_“Our due dates are coming again. In two months, you and I will die first.”_

I didn’t know how long my first kiss of this life lasted for, but we eventually had to pull apart. I took a couple of breaths before I slowly leaned my forehead against his.

“I’m going to die soon.” I said softly, simple and straight to the point. I felt him tense up and heard him suck in a shuddering breath. I slowly opened my eyes to meet with those crimson orbs reflecting my gaze. “I’m going to keep dying until my existence disappears. That’s why Kuro, turn me into your subclass.”

“Mahiru—”

“I want to be with you, Kuro!” I quickly interrupted, recognizing the fear in Kuro’s dilated eyes and knowing what he was going to say. “It hurts knowing that every time I die I’m leaving you alone. If it’s going to be like that, then I rather not be reborn at all. At least that way, you’d have a chance to find a new Eve and move on with your life!”

“No!” Kuro shouted. Kuro rarely ever raise his voice, but he did, pushing me back as he clasped his hands over mine that are still framing his face. “I don’t need any other Eve but Mahiru…why would I do anything so troublesome I could die?”

I chuckled bitterly at that classic response. Now that I had my memories back, I couldn’t believe how I had lived so long without my partner by my side. Just the thought of spending even a day without Kuro was suffocating, let alone sixteen years.

“Ah…” I whispered out my agreement. “I want to stay by your side too…Kuro. I want to be together with you, that’s why, _please._ ”

I didn’t need to say anymore as I found myself pushed onto the couch with Kuro’s body covering mine. The Servamp sank his fangs into my neck, tearing through the flesh almost impatiently as he drained my blood. Chains of our contract appear, but he held me tight in his arms and kept drinking.

Subclass can only be made by a deceasing human drinking the blood of the Servamp. The fact that Kuro caved in so fast despite the risk of killing me shows that there really wasn’t any other options. We were both at our limit. If we want to be together, this was the only way. Kuro must have known this for a while, but he never spoke up because of the risk it carries. If this fails, then Kuro will carry my blood on his hands for all eternity…just like with his creator—his _parent_.

Tears rolled down my eyes at the mere thought. I knew I was being unfair…I knew I was being selfish. It was always like this…it was always Kuro who had to shoulder both of our burdens. It wasn’t fair. I want to support and protect him as well…

I threaded one hand through his soft hair while the other stroked his back reassuringly. He tried to hide it, but I could tell he was sobbing from the small sniffs and tremors in his muscles. He kept sucking out the life fluid from my body.

“It’s ok.” I whispered into his ears. “It’s not your fault…nothing is your fault, Kuro. I’m the one who’s selfish. I’m sorry…I’m so sorry, Kuro.” I repeated over and over, knowing the pain I’m causing him every passing second.

Eventually the blood lost began to affect me. My vision had gone completely black and my limbs had stopped functioning at some point. It was cold. My body couldn’t stop shivering at the coldness freezing over me. The air was getting harder to breath and my heart constructed with pain. I tried to speak, but I couldn’t tell if anything escaped my lips at all. The headache was tearing my brain apart and beginning to take away my ability to think. The last thing I felt was the hot fluid sliding down my throat before I lost myself to the darkness…

oOo

“Mahiru…Mahiru!!”

A voice bellowed as I whined and nesting further against the warm body draped over me.

“Mahiru! I know you’re in there!”

Huffing out in annoyance, I sat up but immediately regretted it as cold air assaulted my skin. I hastily wrapped myself in the warm blanket, ignoring my bed mate who hissed at the coldness.

“That’s my blanket, Mahiru…”

“I-it’s cold!” I sneezed and tugged the blanket tighter around myself. “I’m just gonna borrow this for a bit!”

 **“SHIROTA MAHIRU!”** The knocking outside my door turned into pounding.

“I’m coming!” My teeth clattered as Kuro turned into a cat, crawling into the cocoon I’ve enveloped myself in as I headed for the door.

“What is it Misono?” I yawned, blinking tiredly at the petite teenager standing at my doorway with his Servamp at his side.

“Good morning, Miharu-kun, Kuro-kun.” Lily greeted cheerfully.

“What’s with the blanket?” Misono asked when he saw the state we were in.

“My heater broke.” I replied simply. “What do you want Misono? It’s six in the morning…”

“So troublesome…can’t deal with this…” Kuro yawned as he poked his furry head out and rested his chin against the crook of my neck.

“Exactly! It’s six o’clock! We all agreed to have a gathering at Christmas Eve, remember?”

“I remember—wait…you mean _now_?” I asked, all drowsiness suddenly gone as I stared at the two in disbelief.

“Of course. Everyone is mostly there.”

“At six in the **morning**?” I couldn’t help but repeat.

Misono sighed in irritation. “Lily.”

“Excuse me.” Lily bowed before I was scooped into the tall Servamp’s arms and being carried away.

Both Kuro and I yelled out complaints. Thanks to the blankets bounding me, I could only wriggle around like a caterpillar in attempt to get free.

True to Misono’s words, almost everyone’s there—at six in the morning.

“ **SLEEPY ASH!** ” The Servamp of Gluttony, World End shouted as he ran up and grabbed the kitten perching on my shoulder, shaking him until he turned back into his human form.

“Where have you been for the last fifty years?!”

I just walked away, too used to this sight as the blanket slipped off my shoulders, revealing the black sweater a size too big to be mine and blue shorts I’ve been wearing underneath. I couldn’t help but feel amazed at the warmth in Misono’s mansion. Just how much money does heating cost him? Moreover, where does he even get the money from? After all, this mansion has been sustained for well over a century despite how Misono still couldn’t get a proper job without the help of Lily’s illusion.

Wait…Lily’s illusion…

“Don’t tell me…”

“It’s been a while, Shirota Mahiru.” A woman’s voice suddenly came from behind me, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I turned to see Wrath walking towards me with her heels clicking against the finely waxed floor. I flinched at the permanent scowl fixed on her face. No matter how many times I see it…she scares me. “Or do you prefer Diligence now? I heard that’s what the humans been calling you.”

“Mahiru is just fine.” I responded. I still couldn’t get use to the new label I was shoved with. “It’s been a long time.” I said before looking around, noticing two members missing. “Where’s Tsurugi-san?”

“He went to the convenient store with Junichirou, Yumikage and World End’s Eve. There weren’t enough chips…” That was all the woman said before she headed over to the Christmas tree where some of Lily’s subclasses are decorating and began helping them out.

“Yo, Mahiru.” I heard, turning to find two hands held out towards me.

“…What is this?” I asked, staring at the outstretched hands before to the owners, Tsubaki and Berukia.

“Present of course!”

“Presents!”

“I don’t have anything like that.”

 **“EEEEH?!”** The pair pouted before Tsubaki waved it off with his overly long right sleeve.

“Well, in that case…Mahi Mahi’s life will do.”

“Who are you calling _Mahi Mahi_?! And just how badly do you guys want presents?!” I snapped as Tsubaki broke into his manic laughter again. “I do have it prepared, but thanks to Misono kidnapping us like that—”

“Oh, if it’s your presents, I’ve brought them with me.” Lily interrupted as he gestured to the Christmas tree with my presents now mixed in the pile.

“What are you doing going through other people’s home without permission?!”

“That’s right!” Sakuya shouted, popping out from who knows where with an arm around my shoulder and the other holding a very familiar looking present. “You shouldn’t go through Mahiru’s stuff!”

“You’re one to talk.” I elbowed the green haired vampire before snatching the present from under his arms. “No opening presents until Christmas!”

“Ahahahahaha!!” Tsubaki laughed before heaving out a sigh. “Not interesting at all. I’m leaving~”

I stared at the Servamp of melancholy weirdly. Usually after Tsubaki says his usual line, his face would carry a look of boredom, but he was still smiling…?

“Sakuya.” I turned to the green haired vampire. “Did something happen?”

“Eh?” Sakuya blinked before an awkward smile appeared on his lips. “Well, you see—”

“Hey, you bastards!” Misono called when he noticed his guests leaving. “Where do you think you’re going?!”

“This place is too boring so I’m going to go somewhere more interesting! I’ll be back to open my presents though!” That was all Tsubaki said before he left with Berukia running after him.

“Ah, Tsubakyun~! Wait for me!!”

“Huh?” The Servamp of glutton said through a mouthful of food with Lily desperately trying to stop him from gobbling up everything on the banquet table. “Did that guy break his head or something?”

“Well, Tsubaki-san did get himself an Eve—” Sakuya began before everyone was suddenly crowding against him.

**“WHAT?!”**

“ _That_ Tsubaki?! An _Eve_?!”

“Who the hell want to be that guy’s Eve?!”

“Who did he threatened?!”

“Why didn’t that bastard say anything?!”

“Now, guess how much of that was a lie—OW!” Sakuya cried as I whacked him over the head with my spear.

“So cruel! You didn’t need to use your weapon!”

“So?” I crossed my arms as my weapon disappears back into my wrist. “When did it happen?”

“A couple months ago.” Sakuya groaned as he nursed the growing lump. “I don’t know the details either since Tsubaki-san refused to tell us anything. He just said it won’t be interesting anymore if we all knew.”

“Oi! Sakuya! What are you doing?! Hurry up! We’re leaving!” Berukia yelled as he poked his head back through the door.

“Tsubaki-san will be angry if he catches you following him again.” Sakuya muttered, but followed after his companion nonetheless. “I’ll be back in a bit, Mahiru!”

“Hah…” I stared as the two disappeared before the large door.  

Feeling a weight on my shoulder, I turned to see Kuro in his cat form. He must have gotten away from Gluttony during the confusion just now. I smiled, giving his head a small rub before seeing Mikuni hoping through the open window with Jeje around his neck.

“Mahiru-kun! You’re here.” The antique dealer greeted as he waved his doll’s tiny hand. “Merry Christmas Eve.”

“Merry Christmas Eve, Mikuni-san.” I greeted back before noticing a tall blond walking into the room holding a box of decorations for the Christmas tree in his arms. “Merry Christmas Eve, Tetsu.”

“Big brother Mahiru.” Tetsu greeted back as he walked over towards us. “Merry Christmas Eve.”

“Oh! Sleepy Ash, Shirota Mahiru! Merry Christmas Eve!” The tiny Servamp perching on Tetsu’s shoulder smiled.

“Merry Christmas Eve—”

 **“IYYAAAA!”** Mikuni’s high pitched scream resonated through the entire manor as he hastily distanced himself from the other blond, his doll clutched tightly in his grip. Apparently the Eve of Pride had been standing a little too close…

**“DON’T COME NEAR MY ABEL YOU PERVERT!!!”**

I face palmed. Even after so many years and so many reincarnations, Mikuni still hadn’t let that go. Just how long can that man hold a grudge? I watched as Jeje slithered away…probably going to somewhere quiet considering how he hates noise.

“Speaking of which, you look terrible.” Hugh noted as he poked at my cheek with his pipe…or to be precise, the bags under my eyes. “Today should be a day of celebration!”

“I stayed up all night trying to fix the heater.” I slurred, my eyelids already falling and Kuro didn’t help by yawning loudly into my ear. “I think Kuro and I will go use one of the guest rooms…we’ll come down when—”

“Ah, they’re all taken.” Tetsu replied, his expression never changing as I forced my eyes open.

“Taken? Eh? What…?” I rambled, struggling to put together what was being said. After all, the manor should have plenty of guest rooms even with Lily’s subclasses occupying most of them.

“We’re going to have a team snowball fighting tournament when the sun sets.” The Servamp of Pride explained. “That’s why all of our subclasses are resting in the guest rooms until the sun goes down.”

“And the team that wins gets a free one week stay at my onsen—”

“Eh?!” I screamed, not because of Tetsu, but because of Hugh’s word. “But the party lasts for two days!”

“Those guys…can’t deal…” Kuro grumbled in displeasure.

“Where are we gonna s—!” I didn’t to finish or at the moment, a loud crash shook the entire manor. I whirled around, using my arms to block the gush of cold wind slicing through my skin before gapping at Lawless who was lying on the ground with a burnt trail behind him.

“You bastards! What are you two doing in other people’s home?!” At Misono’s scream, I looked to the doorway to see Licht walking in with hands in his pockets and his weapon dissolving from his feet.

“Ah! Big brother and Shirota Mahiru!” Lawless cheerfully shouted, hopping onto his feet and waving his arms around as though he hadn’t left a trail of burnt tracks in his entrance. “Merry Christmas Eve!”

“Merry Christmas…” Kuro yawned lazily, not even bothering to finish the last word in the sentence.

“Licht-tan, Licht-tan! Looks like we’re the last to arrive!”

“Whose fault do you think it is, you stupid rat!” Licht growled as he spin kicked his Servamp back into the ground and stomped a foot over his head.

“How is it my fault?! Besides, if Licht-tan didn’t insist on turning right, we would have—kyah **!** ”

I winced as Licht grinded his foot into the mop of blond hair.

“Ow, ow, ow! I’ll go bald! Licht-tan! My hair! You’re pulling out my hair!”

“I didn’t make the wrong turn!” Licht growled before putting up his signature pose. “That is because I am…a fallen angel!”

 **“WOHOO!”** Lawless bounded up as he fluttered his hands over his Eve. “There it is!! Fallen angel-chan! So cool! Fallen angels are way cooler than any archangel! In Spanish, it’s ¡Qué chido!”

Then out of nowhere, the Servamp of Greed began tossing out black rose petals. Distantly, I could hear Misono screaming something about littering as I felt a headache threatening to come up.

“Doesn’t fallen angel become a fallen angel because of a wrong turn?” I mumbled under my breath, naturally not daring to voice that out loud. I didn’t know if it was because of fatigue, but I could have sworn there are sparkles around the pair.

“…Can’t deal…” Kuro breathed, hopping off my shoulder before a hand grabbed my wrist and tugged me back.

“W-wait, Kuro?!”

“I’m tired…so troublesome…I’m gonna die.”

“Which is it? Pick one and stick with it.” I huffed as Kuro transformed into a cat and crawled through the tall fortress of presents.

“Kuro, I said no opening presents until—”

“Over here, Mahiru. It feels really nice…” Came Kuro’s muffled voice. I glanced back at the rowdy group, then pushed some presents aside to find Kuro nested in the white cotton covering the ground under the Christmas tree.

“Eh? Here?” I gaped…but it did look comfortable. Kuro wasn’t helping either with how he was rolling around with that blissful look on his face. I smiled and got onto my feet. A puff of smoke shrouded around me as my body took the form of a cat with light brown and cream coloured fur. I crawled over the presents and snuggled up to Kuro who laid his chin over my head. Our tails found one another, intertwining as fatigue washed over me.

“Feels good…” Good was the understatement of the year. The cotton was fluffy and warmed from the heated ground. It’s like sleeping on a piece of fluffy cloud with the soft glow of Christmas lights being stars.

“Right?” Kuro purred as we slowly drifted away, not noticing the variety of animals (and butterflies) gradually joining us, all of them coming in pairs.

 

* * *

 

 

 

I hope that everyone enjoyed this one shot story! I have a Lawless and Licht version set in this same universe so if there are any Lawless x Licht fans, you can view the next work called [Life Is But A Walking Shadow](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11907519)

Like it? Don't like? Have comments or suggestions? Please leave a comment and tell me what you think!

Since Fanfiction.net is my main account, I would appreciate it if everyone could take a few seconds of their time leaving also a comment [HERE](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12054869/1/To-Be-Or-Not-To-Be) (anonymous reviews are accepted).

Reviews are what I use to track whether a story is good or not, so it will really help if you could leave one there so I could keep track. I am currently also thinking of writing a Jeje x Mikuni story. So if there's any fans of those two, do tell me!

Thank you guys so much, I wish you all a good day!


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